I am refocusing some of my creative flow into my writing and have set a personal goal to post AT LEAST one blog per week (I mean what excuses do I have now, since I’m at home all day??) and today’s blog is very special to me because I want to talk about love in the time of Corona.

Love has been on my mind these past two years that I’ve been single. Self love, love for friends, romantic love, and spiritual love. I had not really been intentional about my own self-love in the past or connected self-love with manifesting, until I became single honestly.

I realized that with the absence of a romantic partner, I wanted to start living a life that was aligned with how I felt I needed to be treated. In Thailand, I began taking myself on dates; hikes in nature, long sunset drives on my motorbike, days at the sauna, getting massages, practicing intentional self-touch, going to the flower markets and buying myself flowers (sunflowers are my absolute favorite!), cooking intimate dinners for myself and various other activities that made me feel so so good. It was important for me to start treating myself to daily acts of love because this was something that I realized I was seriously deprived of from partners. On top of these physical acts, I began to mentally and spiritually show myself love by attending meditation retreats, listening to my thoughts, listening to my body and providing a safe internal space for me to be honest and truthful with myself. For someone like myself whose top love language is quality time, I began feeling more and more fulfilled with the amount of time I was gifting myself.

I always found it easiest to project my love outward to my romantic partners, friends and family. It was easy for me to tell them I loved them, show up for them when they were in need, provide a listening ear, try to be a safe space for them, not judge them for things they would come to me with, use physical touch and just go above and beyond for their needs.

When I began shifting this energy inwards….woahhh. My goodness I freaking love myself. It’s perceived as weird to say that so unapologetically. But why? Why is it weird to be so in love with yourself, that you will go to the ends of the earth and back, to provide yourself with what you need to feel FULL at all times? Perhaps its this society we live in. The idea that putting your needs first is ‘selfish’ as opposed to essential; really trips me out.

My spiritual love practice has grown so much since living abroad as well. I have met some amazing people who have introduced me to concepts and tools for healing in my love as well. I was introduced to Yoni eggs while abroad. A Yoni egg is a stone that you insert into your vagina. It is a healing tool that promotes better circulation, lubrication, clears energy, enhances kegal strength and is just such a lovely source of power for anyone who utilizes them. I first started using Yoni eggs to heal trauma from past partners and the sexual experiences I had with them that left me feeling scarred. Now, I feel like I’m really practicing using my white stone egg for manifestations. Bringing certain energy and people into my life that provide love and serenity.

I’ve found that when wearing my egg, something in me shifts. I can feel the future of my relationships getting closer and closer to me. I have said for years that I want a romantic partner that is a team mate and a Vegan. I have only dated non-vegans since my first relationship at 15. I’m 28 now and I can no longer travel down my romantic journey with individuals that do not understand or embody this life ethos that means EVERYTHING to me. So manifesting is essential to my practice. And affirming that I can no longer willingly walk into relationships with partners who choose death over life and love. I take the onus for the choices I’ve made in the past with not sticking to my own desires. These past two years has made something ‘click’ within me where I am perfectly okay with waiting until the ideal partner and I finally get to meet.

2020 was supposed to be MY year. My year for a healthy relationship, for deeper communication, for intimate connection, for Vegan love. And then Covid-19 happened. Don’t get me started on how devastating it was to realize that I would not be able to meet, touch, engage, grow with a Vegan partner in real time since this lockdown. But then I remembered that one of the biggest criticisms I had for myself and past partners was the lack of clear or healthy communication. I was not communicating my needs, and several past partners had not been communicating their thoughts or feelings either. During this time of quarantine, I have been manifesting and practicing my communication skills when it comes to my romantic life.

I have found a Vegan dating app (check out Grazer if you’re vegan and craving some online dating) that has actually been more fruitful than anticipated (hahah pun intended). I had used Tinder and Bumble in the past, but it hit me that I was possibly slipping into past patterns of welcoming room for non-vegan partners into my life. Why eat at a restaurant that has Vegan ‘options’ as opposed to just going straight to a Vegan restaurant where the whole menu is suitable for ME? Of course people aren’t food…but you get my analogy I hope.

Since this lockdown, I have been on some virtual Vegan dates that have really restored my faith in my romantic future. Long video chats that lead into the early morning. Sharing meals from our respective homes. Listening to music recommendations that we both may share. Text messages. Audio voice recordings. Connections from afar. I’m in a place now where I move tenderly, carefully and with a speed that’s appropriate for where I am in life now. Strangers are just friends we haven’t met yet. I think I’m really enjoying this time of connecting more intimately with vegan people around the world without having the expectation that any of them MUST lead to anything. I am taking pressure off of myself and off of the people I’m connecting with, by just letting the natural flow of being open, getting to know each other, doing virtual activities and learning more about some pretty amazing people. It feels fantastic to be sitting on some confidence again and to not be ashamed of my needs and wants.

Romance during the time of Corona is really teaching me to speak the heck up. To allow myself to tell another person what it is I’m looking for, what I’m doing with my life and leave space for them to make their own informed decisions based on what I’m laying down. I know I will not be in America forever. I know my home is Thailand for this current chapter. But for now, I am here. and I am connecting. And I am learning that everyday must be a day of self love for me. No matter how big or small the gesture, I will continue to learn as I navigate this digital space with the new Vegans that have been brought into my sphere. It’s okay to be excited for yourself. It’s okay to have unapologetic confidence in self. It’s okay to love YOU.

Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

I hope that wherever you are, you are gifting yourself some magical love in whatever way that manifests; Yoni eggs, meditation, self touch, virtual communication, a home cooked meal, hugs with your quarantine partners, a lazy day, writing yourself a poem, exercise, comedy, treating yourself to a joint, soaking in a bath, lighting some candles, going for a walk (socially distanced from folks!!), creating new art….or whatever else love means to you.

Sending light and love friends; stay safe and I hope you feel the love I’m sending to you from my corner of the world.

-DW