Can I be honest with you? Since being back to USA, I’ve been struggling internally with my spirit changes from abroad. Reverse-culture shock can’t even sum it up.

Abroad, I learned how to really connect with nature and how to weave myself into a flow of life that is at a far slower pace than what is accepted here in the States. Long showers, intentional self-care days with homemade face masks, trips to get massages, long motorbike rides to hiking trails, hanging out with friends who’s energy was mellow and warm, going to the local markets to buy myself fruits/veg/flowers and treat myself like a queen.

Me and Morty, my Motorbike in Chiang Mai, Thailand.

It’s been about six months since I’ve relocated back to my birth country, and I’m straight up overwhelmed hahah. I haven’t been tied to this western “work all day, answer emails and phone calls, don’t take-time-for-yourself” mentality in over 6 years.

America is quite frankly freaking me out. Although I’m adaptable and have evolved to many new cultures, customs and ways of life before, something about this time back, is really catching me off guard. Perhaps it’s the pandemic, perhaps it’s the racial revolution that me and my fellow Black kinfolk are facing. Perhaps I’m feeling so overwhelmed because this is the country I came from and it feels more foreign than any other place I’ve ever been right now.

so how does this soft lady who doesn’t prefer big cities, harshness and fast-paced deadlines stay zen? I find nature. I meditate. I use what I’ve been learning from my therapist to set boundaries and not overcommit to things I know I won’t be able to complete. I meditate, I reach out to friends virtually for connection (this pandemic has really turned my extroversion and socializing on its head), I grow flowers and veg on my balcony, I sleep and let my body rest—even when others may not understand how much rest this Diabetic empath truly needs—and most importantly, I stay true to who I am.

I had a moment of reflection this week where I felt like USA was going to bend and break me. Tear down all the growth and beautiful changes I’ve made internally while living abroad. But then, I reminded myself that it’s MY job to educate others on how I need to be treated. It’s MY job to honor the pace of life that I prefer. Sure I may not be able to get everyone around me to realize that I don’t believe in exhausting my mind and body for money or for things that don’t feed my soul, but I CAN stay true to myself. Spend a few hours in the forest, swimming in a river, listening to the wind blow through the trees, spend time making my own toiletries like I did in Thailand, pick thrift stores over fast fashion, choose not to shave, bring my reusable bags with me wherever I go, wave and say “Heya!” To complete strangers as I pass them on the street. Sure, folks may look at me like I have three heads, but maybe the adjustment I’m responsible for, is being OKAY with that.

They never tell you how difficult reintegration can be…

It’s very expensive here in USA and I’m still working my way up to a place where I can even afford to be alive here. I am a seed. Newly planted in my home country. My roots will start sprouting soon and I’m curious to see what gorgeous plant, breaks through the surface of the soil.

until then, I’m just reflecting and caring for my nature-loving spirit in this fast-paced country. Thank you to those who have made this journey back smoother, gentler, more mellow, accommodating and less overwhelming for me. You don’t know how much I appreciate it 🙏🏽🌱

Until next time, please take care of yourself and check in on your strong friends too, we all need some TLC don’t ya think?

Light and Love,

-DW